Bird Box
Directed by Susanne Bier
Produced by Chris Morgan, Barbara Muschietti, Scott Stuber, Dylan Clark and Clayton Townsend
Screenplay by Eric Heisserer
Based on Bird Box by Josh Malerman
Starring
Sandra Bullock
Trevante Rhodes
John Malkovich
Vivien Lyra Blair
Julien Edwards
Danielle Macdonald
Lil Rel Howery
Jacki Weaver
Rosa Salazar
Colson Baker
BD Wong
Tom Hollander
Sarah Paulson
Bird Box is a movie that comes under the category of ‘interesting failures.’ It doesn’t meet all the criteria for a ‘good flick,’ but the ones it does meet it does very well.
The establishing premise is absurd. There are invisible creatures that people can nonetheless see, and it drives them insane, unless of course, they happen to be insane to begin with. Nearly the entire world has seen these noseeums, and run out and self-immolated in a variety of amazing and amusing ways. The ones who haven’t have to wear blindfolds whenever they are outside. Inside, they have the windows papered or painted over so they can’t see outside, and apparently the noseeums can’t go indoors, although their insane human agents can.
Keep in mind absurd scenarios don’t ruin an apocalyptic movie. Most are absurd. I reviewed one (favorably) not long ago in which water became fatal to humans.
It’s in this particularly absurd situation that Sandra Bullock, with two ankle biters in tow, named “Boy” and “Girl” (three or four years she’s been dragging these kids around, one of them hers, and she’s never bothered to name them) has to take a boat ten miles or so down a mountain river to a place she knows nothing about other than it supposedly has children and birds. (Birds go nuts, very noisily and with much flapping and whirling of feathers, when a noseeum is near, but they apparently get over it and resume normal birdhood after the noseeum has gone). This apparently, is a magic river they are boating blindfolded down, since it has no spits, sand bars or snags. It does, apparently, have rapids, but only where the rapids are convenient to the plot.
By now you’re probably thinking that you’ll just wait for it to show up on the Satellite of Love for Joel and the Bots to critique, but dammit, it’s got enough good points to almost make up for the inherent flaws.
First, there’s the Day of the Apocalypse. That’s the main reason anyone watches these End-of-the-World things, and the staging for this, while budget-conscious, has lots of loud explody stuff and people running around with open mouths and jazz hands, hurrying to die in a variety of entertaining ways. (Think of Stephen King’s Cell).
Most of these scenes are hideously overblown these days, to the point where the viewer goes, “Oh, come on! Your whole fucking continent just sank, and you’re stopping to put on lipstick?”
This one isn’t overblown, so it has some chilling verisimilitude.
Sandra Bullock’s character may have the charm and compassion of one of Ann Coulter’s pet scorpions (and don’t we all suspect that she keeps a few scorpions around, either as pets or marital aids?), but Bullock’s acting is excellent, backed up by a strong supporting cast. Most of those characters find interesting ways to die on a fairly even pace, with helps sustain viewer attention and keep the general atmosphere agreeably chilly and cold. John Malkovich deserves mention for his role as Best Leading Asshole.
Silly plot notwithstanding, the screenplay is good, the acting and direction above average. I picked Bird Box to watch because this is, after all, Boxing Day. I could have done worse.
Now on Netflix.
Footnote: Kids, don’t try this at home. Alive, you at least make a good carbon sink. Dead, you probably aren’t even good cat food.